Gratefulness

If you think about it. Aren't we all kind of raised in a way that hard work pays off ?

That nothing good comes easy. From childhood most of us are taught the winners mentality. Success, victory and passing exams seems to be the trail to follow. Losing means  insecurity, trauma's and feelings of a failure.

Nothing in any of the school system teaches us about doing good and live a loving an abundant life. We're oftenly pressured from a young age to be a success in society. Aim  for a career, status and lead a life that has been written for us in the most earthly way as possible. But maybe that's the difference of school and the religion or beliefs practiced in life. And even that is questionable. For many of us did not get a choice in the religious department. We (had to) took the religion our parents practiced and had to assume our parents had the best intentions with it. I remember as a kid I felt I had to go to church but did not have a clue what it was about or understood the purpose. I was raised as a catholic and back then there wasn't any Catholicism for dummies guidance for kids my age. I had spent most of my time in church counting the wooden beams of the ceiling and liked the echo when everybody sang.

But lets return to the main topic. There's a global idea of how we should walk the earth  from the cradle to the grave. That's something I've concluded just by looking how most of our school/educational system work and how the ladder of success is planted in front of us. It's just like the battle of good vs evil, right and wrong and so on. Sometimes I think duality has been bred into our system 'cause we are taught to think that way from the moment we develop a conscious and vocabulary. As if taught one question has been drilled into our system: What would society want me to do ? I assume many of you who will read this recognize this. But also found their truth after a rebellious period casting  out confirmation and minimize it to only the necessary action for all practical things in   life aren't for free. But for many sticking to the 'plan' of society means a material life where the feeling of something missing persists.

I feel blessed with my sense of curiosity in the aspects in life. Seeing challenges in all  things I used to not understand about myself and get my hands on it and work with it. Only looking for things that work for me and not accepting truths from other people selling them. I've listened, questioned them and if plausible I integrated it into my way of dealing with certain aspects. 

I think that's how I found or developed my ability to turn negatives into positives. Looking for the lessons to be learned from every experience that crossed my path. Don't ask me what ignited my look on life for I believe it has been a result from tests of time. Bumping my head more than once and the hunt of finding  my way to listen to my heart. I believe we all have to walk our own personal journey in life. If we would all walk the same one the road would be too small and I fear primal instincts would kick in and nobody will be happy... That's what I mean by confirming yourself to the prescription of dr. Society. Not everybody has the spiritual perception on life but they eventually will. If it's not in this life it will be the next. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who aren't following some spiritual path will be leading an unhappy life. But I dare to   say one with lesser awareness. But in any case the similarity will always be that we want to feel good in life, meant in the most general way. 

So mainly we will be looking for feeling good in life. And there are so many ways to obtain that feeling. But how is a very important question and one of the challenges we should look for. There is a movie with a title that kind of sums up everything I'm trying to get across in this blog. It's called 'The Pursuit of happyness' (I know the 'y' should be an 'i' ,see the movie ;-)). If you find happiness (after some trial and error perhaps), hold  it, treasure it and remember how you got there. And mostly: be sincerely grateful ! For every lesson learned or gift granted to you is a divine blessing.

Fighting cancer

Doctors,oncologists,psychologists,coaches and mediums...What if a cancer patient would ask one of them the question of how to deal with this disease? What tools or interventions could they possibly use?


I was asked this question by someone close to me after sharing my theory about acceptance on an other aspect in life and did not really knew how to reply to it. Even though it's all about acceptance it doesn't make it an easy message to bring across. Also because it feels too easy of an advice to yell from the sideline. How would you reply to such a question ? What would you want to hear if you were the patient ? I truly cannot imagine how it would be like to have a fatal disease like cancer. But still it's in our nature wanting to say something meaningful to show our compassion. 'You have to accept it and decide how to proceed in your mental approach' is something that won't instantly give a
soothing mindset but I believe it is what it all comes down to.

It's a choice how you will spend the fading time that has been given to you. I have seen people fight and have experienced every second as a gift. I have also witnessed people getting into a depression and felt anger towards God. Both cases have the free will to choose their dealing with the situation. There is no manual about this matter. It's yet another of the many challenges people face in life. Not only for the patient but also for the people that are close to the person fighting cancer. I think a lot of you can imagine how hard it would be having a loved one being terminally ill. Though it's one party that is dying both parties have to deal with this knowledge. I have one friend in the spiritworld who died of cancer. One of the first people I knew who really stood close to me that has passed on. I didn't know how to cope with it since it was my first friend to go. I was much younger then and at that time I only visited him once in the year he'd spent in the hospital before passing on. Back then I wanted to remember him as the way I did before the diagnosis. Afterwards I couldn't help feeling a little guilty about the one time visit. At first I couldn't believe he died until the open casket.



Maybe it's up to no one to advise someone how to deal with cancer. I think I wouldn't want to hear any. But what can you do ? Maybe respecting wishes or simply be there when needed a listening ear or the holding of a hand. To show compassion. It's a journey, an exploration 'cause the one person is not the other. Merely offering suggestions for it's never easy dealing with it. For those fighting cancer and the loved once standing by: I wish you all the strength, faith, light, love and persistance of finding a way of dealing with this destructive disease of which I pray one day will find a cure and effective treatment... How the world would change !

Use the force you will

Almost 99,9% of all superheroes or villains known from comics or the white screen have one thing in common: They either got their power from some event or discovered they had power(s).

Why start this blog about superheroes and their power ? Simply because there’s a parallel with us as non-fictional humans. The only difference is we call it skills or others will call it a gift or talent. Another parallel is that once discovered superheroes and villains all needed time to develop or control their power. We have the same going on in our lives. Either it’s a creative talent, a communicative talent or other kinds of talent. Most of us start of with an interest we give in to an when choosing that we start to develop and sometimes even master it. Some will start their journey because other people recognize the talent within the other person.

There are a few ingredients to reach full potential. The first one: Believing in it and yourself.I found a quote from one of the Starwars movies that supports what I’m trying to say here.“[Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail.” A second ingredient would be others believing in you and the offer of support. A third and very important one is to know in advance there’s discipline required to get skilled or become a master of your trade. And as fourth ingredient is to keep in mind that patience is a virtue. Without patience all of the other three ingredients will make your recipe fail and a waste of time to begin with. Time is your friend for it’s always there and plenty of it. A lot of people know this recipe and owe it to themselves to prepare it. Or a good talent has gone to waste.

And off course there are people who think they’ve got a talent. And I have to be careful of how to choose my words because I don’t want to offend anyone. There are people who compare themselves with other people and without knowing they’re trying to be a copy instead of being an original. Like the Hugo Boss commercial once said: Don’t immitate but innovate. They grow blind for their own unique skills. And in some cases there are parents who kind of force their kid(s) into something they want and not by the free will of the child itself. Talent is a seed that’s already planted in the soul from birth, which will grow at the right time in life and if you nurture it. People should feel blessed when they become aware of this process and should devote and commit fully to it for this insight truly is a blessing. When people give in into what is expected of them or believe other people expect it of them the seed within the soul might never grow. I would like to encourage everyone to start a journey within themselves to find out, discover and ignite the conviction of a talent. Or more poetically: Open your eyes, see the light, walk towards it and see it grow for it’s there for everybody. It’s a God given force or even your holy spark. I truly believe it will be the greatest gift you’ll be given and in almost any case it will be one you can share with others.

Look at how many people enjoy music or certain artists (alive and passed on), painters, sculptures, writers, motivators, teachers, friends and even colleagues. They all have done something to inspire. They gave in into the broadest sense of the meaning of the word ‘creativity’. I think if you just live your life it will be a boring and meaningless one. Maybe that sounds a bit harsh. But I feel you’ll miss out on a very exciting journey where you’ll discover and amaze yourself while if you won’t travel it. We all enjoy something we’re good at right ? So why not go all the way ?

A sure thing

We all know it...There's only one sure thing in life: our physical body will one day cease to exist.

Every once in a while we are reminded of this. Especially when we thought we had a sure thing going on in our life. This could be a job, a relationship or a future plan. But how to deal with it if it turns out not be that way. At first it feels as if something has been done to us. Because the end of a sure thing isn’t decided by ourselves. How will you cope ? Anger, disappointment, frustration or disbelieve are the most likely of emotions to feel. But all of these won’t turn back the hands of time.

Since this blog is spiritual minded the only explanation of what was once seen as a sure thing could be a sign from the Universe. Its purpose is either to put you on a new path to explore or back on the path you drifted away from. I’ve put myself to the challenge in this life to turn everything that could be categorized as a ‘negative’ thing into something positive. And believe me, it’s a hard challenge but thus far I’ve managed to succeed in this. If you practice faith that includes that everything happens for a reason and there’s a lesson to be learned you kinda have to find the positive side. Many people would probably advise you to let go but most of them won’t tell you how to let go or simply don’t know how. ‘Let go’ is one of the things I wouldn’t want to hear in a situation like a sure thing gone wrong. To me it are hollow and meaningless words that are mostly said out loud because we feel it’s something we’re supposed to say.

I in fact do have a theory of how to let go I’d like to share. Keep in mind it’s not a golden formula it simply works for me. And maybe it’ll work for one of you too.

Here it goes…

The keyword: Acceptance. When most sure things end 9 out of 10 times it’s written in stone. Like I said as human beings we’re not able to turn back the hands of time to change the past. If we would be honest towards ourselves we would have to admit that anger and frustrations are wasted energy anyway. I won’t discard ‘disbelieve’ for it’s not a negative emotion but our mind or heart that wants to understand the motivations behind it all. And I believe we’ve all been that road before. And off course it’s okay to mourn about it for a while ‘cause certain thing could simply hurt at first. But make sure not to stay in that moment or dwell on it. If you would choose to accept it happened and believe it has a reason that leads to a greater purpose…It could contribute to letting go more easily and continue with your head up high. And be grateful for the experience you’ve had. You probably won’t believe it at first but it will make you stronger, wiser and helps you deal with the feeling of defeat if it happens to you a next time.  Because holding on could mean you will lead a cautious life where you will put aside the possibility of an abundant one.

The heart knows !

Validation and confirmation. Probably the most powerful tools in our mind that we believe is needed to base our self-esteem upon. I had a good talk with myself and my guide. What causes anger, frustration and the rest of the list of negative emotions ? And I came up with these two. If you don’t get validated or confirmed in the aspects you possess as a human being you’ll end up picking one of those negative emotions from the list. My last blog was about fear. You could see this new blog as a kind of follow up on that one...

The sad thing is from birth until the cradle we keep on searching for those two. As if we're made into junkies who can’t live without. Needing it to feel good about ourselves. I sometimes believe it’s the only thing that drives our brain, the only supplement that satisfies it and calms it down. But in all fairness we can’t help but needing it. But that’s only because many times it's confused with feeling of love when we were young. Adults like smiling babies and babies love smiling adults. And because we love that smile we soon grow into doing anything we can to receive it. Because no smiles will soon be associated with the feeling of doing wrong and if you don’t know due to poor communicating you’re left in wondering why. With other words: you imprisoned yourself within your own brain.

If I’ve learned one thing from the brain (some will call it ego) is that it can’t stand the unknown. It in combination with duality will drive you absolutely bananas. It could write positive outcomes but 9 out of 10 it’s worse case scenarios. Why ? You didn’t get validated or confirmed. We NEED to know if we did okay. If our work is appreciated, if the painting we’ve made is admired. our promotion, our new car, our new sound system, our new lipstick, clothes , a music piece this list could go on forever. Can a relationship survive without saying the words ‘I love you’ ? It probably could…Okay I’ll admit it, those words are without a doubt the sweetest words to come out of a human being. Though I love them, technically it’s still validation cause it will confirm your love. I’m just challenging you to think outside the box. Could we live without compliments ? Could we develop a self-esteem without it ?

The brain to me should not have total control. It should be a transmitter and receiver and a place to store memories. Nothing more, nothing less. Anything else you do with it will cause pain to yourself or others when it keeps on searching for ‘the’ two. If you give in you’ll miss out on the opportunity to listen to the one thing that knows all and can be nothing but pure:

Your heart. The heart doesn’t need validation nor confirmation because it ‘knows’. The heart does not doubt or second guess. It doesn’t need a series of words out of somebody elses mouth. Be honest, would you need those two if you’d listen to your heart ? I’ll say it again: the heart knows ! If it ‘knows’ what will you win by creating figments of your imagination of which you honestly don’t know what its outcome will be ? We’ve all been there, especially grown up people. The heart lives in the ‘now’ and the mind persistently chases an unknown future. How come we spend so many hours on things we don’t know in advance ? What would be left if we assume it’s possible to live without ‘the’ two ? So no one telling you you’re great, that’s a lovely drawing you’ve made and so on…I’m not saying it’s wrong I’m just asking what if you don’t have to depend upon it relating to your self- esteem… So also no negative comments that could tear down your self-esteem.

I believe we would all be doing much better ! Because what is left would be an unconditional kind of love and fulfillment towards yourself but also each other. We would enjoy everything we create without anyone bringing us down because bringing someone down would cease to exist. All battles, duality and fictional thoughts inside your head as well….

Fear and Illusions

Running away, defending yourself, avoiding, jealousy, swallowing words, stubbornness, future events or upcoming change… Just a few words as responses associated to the word ‘fear’. But what is fear ?

To me a definition would be: A repetition of an uncomfortable moment from the past. Once imprinted there’s a legion of those uncomfortable moments. Think of: shame, pain and humiliation. It appears the brain creates associations with those moments and if unattended it could be there a lifetime. We seem to loose all reason when we arrive in a moment of fear. We become suspicious, skeptical and loose trust in people in a heartbeat. But what can we do about fear ? Is it possible to live without fear ? One persons fear is often not comparable to the other. How do you let go of fear ?

My theory:

Somewhere the fear was born. Like a source of memories saved in our internal hard disk. A moment where you got a different view on your life and made a decision to have that experience never again. I believe in some cases fear has been taught or could be transferred upon an other. But why do we keep fear alive ? Fear itself isn’t more than a association that we keep on projecting in similar situations of where the fear was born. But it’s something we hold on to. And things you hold on to you can let go. How ridiculous is it that one event in life could be carried around a lifetime and even build a life around it ? Fear seems real but if you would look at it closely it’s merely an illusion. The brain will write an instant script and we often don’t verify if it’s rational.

For those who believe in the universe/God/Allah/Buddha etc. as a well, source or home of wisdom could be able to live without fear. What works for me is to always keep the faith. Though I do admit some things in life requires an effort to regain faith. Also believing that all things in life happen for a reason even the moments that don’t make sense when in the moment. A learning experience to make progress in your development. Looking back in my life a lot of pieces of the puzzle fell in place eventually. If we realize this we could shake off a lot of our fear or at least accept that the feeling of fear are a gift that could lead to inner freedom. I understand quite well our mind works like a filter wanting to save our heart from pain. But when the heart speaks the brain needs to be open and don’t reason the voice of the heart away. The heart is wiser than the mind but the mind somehow is stronger. We should try to maintain objectivity in a ‘fear’ situation and also try to ‘feel’ what’s really or actually going on in those moments. I guess a test of faith always takes place in the mind. Needing reasoning from the heart to be at peace…

If you can be free of fear I cannot say nor promise. But examining your fear is worth the effort. Who loses fear gains trust. Bring your fears together, write them down. In which situations do you experience them and where lies the origin ? How long are you willing to maintain fear in your life ? Don’t hold back on sharing them with a loved one or third party you trust and ask for help. Everything that could help you come closer to who you are and embrace life is a step towards inner peace...

One more thing that supports my theory and could help you (and this is not created by myself but Byron Katie) is ask yourself the following four questions when in fear or doubt:

1          Is it true?

2          Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3          How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4          Who would you be without the thought?

The Different Kind

If a child is different compared to others than there can be a diagnosis that doesn’t correspondence with the context. A teacher could describe a behavior on which he/she advises that the child should visit a psychologist. My theory is that too many psychologists make a diagnosis based on theoretical knowledge too soon.

Many of you would probably agree that children have a spiritual peak between the age of 4 and 7. The same with adults of which some you can say have certain special abilities.  The downside of this gift or talent with children is that they’ll stand out in class (in a negative way). A different behavior that isn’t equal to the rest of the class. The advise to visit a psychologist worries me. I have heard several stories of parents in this situation. At home it’s the total opposite of the behavior at school. At home it’s more social, says very wise things for it’s age and they’re very curious and open. At school it seems introvert and doesn’t seem to connect with other classmates and learns things in a different speed or way. If parents decide to listen to the advise of the teacher and return from the psychologist there’s a big chance that the child has been put inside the box of Autism or Asperger.

Ain’t it weird that if you’re that age how easy you’ll be forced inside a box ? I’m really glad that HSP (High Sensitive Person) is becoming a more accepted diagnosis and that there’s more attention for special guidance for these beautiful little angels. Sometimes I think SG (Spiritual Gifted) would be a better word for these kids. It would be a shame if they would be disconnected from themselves. I believe that in many cases that did happen with a lot of us. Oftenly as we grow older we become aware of a spiritual growth. Where we in fact take off where we left it when we had to drop it to the floor around the age of 7. I come from an age where spirituality wasn’t as accepted as it is (becoming) now. I’m not a parent yet but I wouldn’t immediately accept a diagnosis of Autism or Asperger and definitely not if there’ll be medication involved.

A while ago we had a program on TV in the Netherlands where youngsters with a special gift were offered special guidance by a medium who is specialized in this field. At first I was bit skeptical. But it has opened a lot of doors for parents and challenged to look further instead of accepting a diagnosis. It was amazingly beautiful to see how happy those kids were with finally being understood by the medium as well as the parent(s). The ‘right’ guidance I might say.

Don’t get me wrong…I don’t want to bad mouth psychologists (not possible because I don’t know them all) but there are too many who approach kids and adults too much from the mind and diagnose like a universal formula as if it’s a calculation based on theory. I just wish that every child that appears ‘different’ won’t be judged and put in a box too soon where it doesn’t belong and would be disconnected from the rest of the world….They are the future angels and blessings that would walk among men !

The person in the mirror

“Mirror,mirror on the wall…Who is the fairest of them all  ?“

If the stephmother had more confirmation in her childhood, she wouldn’t need to ask this question… Who do you see when you look in the mirror ? Any idea why you see yourself in a different way than other people do ?

Looks are easy to judge. Simply because there are enough people to compare yourself to or be compared with. Ain’t it out in the world than there’s enough attention for looks and beauty on TV. We’re sort or less raised in how we should look or appear. Straight white teeth, wrinkle free and slim is the way because being fat is ugly and a danger to your health. I have nothing against a healthy lifestyle but I think it’s too bad it seems to be only about looks and not the total package… You know, inner beauty included.

How we feel and think about ourselves is mostly decided by confirmation in a positive way or by rejection of other people (partners, parents, friends, strangers etcetera). I believe the power of confirmation is highly underestimated. People in general have a tendency to that one negative comment than the other positive ones. Positive confirmation means more confidence and negative confirmation means a low self-esteem and challenges people to prove the opposite or accepting you have to do with less, right ? What it comes down to is that most people will let other people decide how to feel about themselves. Not only will it influence our self-esteem but by learning to compare yourself we also learn to judge. How would the world look like if we create our own self-image ?

I don’t have the most beautiful set of teeth, my hair is too thick and dry and I can’t even grow a beard at age 34. Ow, I don’t have a beer belly but I can’t say I have a six-pack either. I think I have to depend on my charisma because if I would be dead sexy I would have more women chasing after me…How did I get this picture about myself ? To who do I measure myself ? May I assume everybody has these kind of things on their list about themselves ? Do you automatically polish your inner beauty more if you don’t have the looks shown by the media ? Because I do dare to say and state with conviction that I’m a beautiful person who has worked hard to become and stay beautiful from within. I believe we would only need one confirmation in life and base our whole self-esteem and confidence on:

“There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect the way you are and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise !”

Self reflection is a valuable tool. Let me offer an advise… Write down everything you’re not satisfied with about yourself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ! Excuse me for the capslock. But if you want to change things or certain aspects within your life it won’t happen by itself. And doing nothing is also ok, but then you need to truly accept who you are…I’m well aware that’s easier said than done. As long as you walk your own path where you decide what’s good for you. Every negative about yourself is due to opinions from others. I think that if you would value yourself more your self-image will be more positive and outer beauty will be more based on charisma. And personally I think that’s worth more looking at and admiring than what the beauty fashion magazines, ads or any other form of media wants us to believe in and compare ourselves with…

The Secret

Believe it or not, I’ve finally seen ‘The Secret’ after almost six years after its release. After years of resistance (even though I’m spiritual minded I found the concept and theory too good to be true) I took my girlfriends (Maria) advise to see the movie and give it a chance.

There was also an other motivation to see it: desperation. I have been unemployed for over 5 months now and had been ‘ordering’ a new job for that whole period but it just didn’t get delivered. Not knowing that by just saying something out loud has less to no effect. The situation was becoming so bad that I was really worried if there would be money for food the following months. Believe me, I’ve cried and begged on my knees to see the lesson needing to be learned from this situation. Fear had taken over. I used to blog regularly (at least once a week,back then in Dutch) but I couldn’t write for days in the state I was in. But now I cannot deny that seeing ‘the Secret’ gave me a new perspective on ‘faith’ and believe. Besides this I started thinking what is really important to me in this life. The only answer I could think of is giving and receiving love.

Due to the financial circumstances I’ve also started thinking if there was anything I could do to generate money. Meaning a review of my material possession (and that ain’t much) and what luxury I could live without. I looked at my 46” TV, my Blu-ray cinema set and the TV furniture and thought: “ I’m gonna miss you, but you’ll have to go”. Also put up two other pieces of furniture. As long as I can remember I’ve bought these electronic gadgets as a comfort purchase. It silenced the hunger so it gave me a good feeling to have something new. But calling those things mine was an illusion. Nothing of those purchases were ever mine (if you know what I mean). But if you state to yourself that you’re prepared to do anything than putting these items up for sale was a big step for me. Selling this stuff meant 3 months of food on the table thus some financial breathing space. I’ll come back to this later in this blog…

For the people who has seen the movie know it comes down to the ‘law of attraction’ and transmitting thoughts to the universe. Whatever you think you will attract. Keep in mind this means both positive and negative. I used to laugh when a good friend told me how she simply orders things from the universe. I always smiled and knotted my head and thought: ”Yeah,right”. But little things from life experiences supported the theory behind ‘The Secret’. I have to admit I’m in debt and by thinking A) I’ll never come out of it and B) I can still manage to get by…I’ve maintained the situation. By thinking this I’ve created a negative pattern in my mind so kept on manifesting the thing I didn’t want to manifest. Another example. One time Maria visited me in NL (she lives in Denmark). I live (legally, a special project) in an office building meaning once in a while there’s an inspection to check everything is in order and taken care of in the building. Before Maria arrived I had the of not wanting them to have the inspection in that time…And guess what happened: they came by on the very first day Maria was here. My lesson from the movie is that these kind of (negative) thoughts will manifest and can keep certain patterns alive.

A positive example to me based on the theory is meeting Maria. My wish was to meet a partner where the relationship would be based on: connection, equality, good communication, spirituality and humor…I feel blessed, it’s all there !

For me it was reason enough to give the law of attraction a chance. I’ve sold the stuff I’ve put up for sale. And have set my mind to moving to Denmark and live with my girl and her kids. I have had some other unexpected money coming my way in the last period and I really feel the universe is helping me out in more than one way.

Every day I express my thankfulness and make clear to the universe (God, Allah, Buddha or whatever name(s) it has for you) what it is I want formulated in positive words and intentions. I think it’s kind of equal to praying. I’ve probably haven’t told anything new to the people who has seen the movie. But maybe it inspires you to watch it again. To the people who hasn’t seen the movie: give it a chance, who knows what it will or can do for you…

   

  

Love is never Ugly

I often hear people make depressing remarks about love. That if you want it to work you've got to work hard,sweat ,bleed and suffer a little. 

In my opinion people are mixing up love with expectations and thoughts that come from the ego and not the heart thus love. A lot of them refer to the first year (or two) with the most happy, funniest and greatest moment of the relationship.  Now that is the moment before the ego and mind sets in...Only if you allow it to be there.  The 'I would do anything for you' changes to 'Do it yourself'. I'm not a Saint I've been there.

So where, how and why does the tide turn ? Does it have to do with colliding motivations to be in a relationship ? Different ideas of how it should be ? Or is the other a reflection of who you are and you don't like what you see ? I'm not counting out the possibility you can discover it's simply not a match between two souls and it's the mind that tries to make it work. I have to disappoint you. I don't have a golden formula that will work for everyone. I can only share from my own experience and share the lesson I have learned and taken from a previous relationship.

I took a lot of time looking back at a 10+ year relationship. And one of my conclusions is that there were three basic things missing to make it last:

- Matching souls (Mismatching souls= opposites and mismatches in characteristics would be a clear sign)

- A deflected idea of how a relationship should be

- No insight of the 'needs' and 'wants' of the partner (don't think you know or assume you know)

Even though all 3 were missing we still managed to get by. But mostly because there was a huge sense of loyalty from my side. And many attempts to make it work and believing things could change for the better. But the more I've tried the more I've lost myself. I was adapting my being and said 'yes' and 'amen' to a lot of things while actually not agreeing or even taking the blame to maintain the peace at times I wasn't the guilty one. I felt I was doing all the work. If I would have been aware of the 3 basic things to a lasting relationship I would've broken up a few years earlier. Because I think I've also mixed up love with loyalty. But in all honesty...Braking up that relationship was one of the best things I could have done. But don't get me wrong, I'll never think of that time as wasted time. I really got to know myself through the other person and got my 'needs' and 'wants' clear.

So if you're in a relationship and you're doubtful about it consider the 3 basic rules for a lasting relationship.But keep in mind that it's my conclusion, not a guaranty !

I've once written a short poem that kind of says it all:

Love is never ugly

Some say love means working hard

Wounding the soul, leaving a scar

Shedding blood, sweat and tears

And that’s the only way to get far

I say:

Love is the highest of all forms

Always enlightening, gentle and kind

When it turns out not to be the case…

You love from melancholy or the mind

Good vs Evil

“Evil exists because people believe in it”

-Stevie Hogendoorn-

Good and evil. Often a theme within religious and spiritual movements.

Evil is often compared with: Darkness, demons and the Devil. Natural disasters and wars are also frequently linked to evil. But is blaming evil not just a way to make the unthinkable acceptable to our rational thinking ?

In most religious forms it’s simple: All good comes from God and all evil from Satan. First of all that’s hard to swallow for me because I don’t believe in the Devil. I’ll admit. As a child and even when hitting puberty I used to ask myself: If there is a God why doesn’t he take action in wars and create peace. I think we’re actually forced to think in good and evil. Think about it. Look back at your life. How often didn’t you think that something has been done to

(of course unjustified) you at the points in life where things didn’t work out as well as you planned it ? At that point you’ve manifested evil and truly believe something has been done to you. I’ve been on that road. But what I’ve noticed is that if you believe in evil it will keep on manifesting.

But what if you would take responsibility in life ? And look at ‘evil’ as a lesson to help you in your personal progress. Wouldn’t that contribute in self love and love for the other ? As long as there is a collective consciousness in which the largest part of the world keeps on feeding the black wolf, the things we call evil remains a true belief. Believing in evil is something our big leaders would prefer. The more afraid you are the more you live in fear so power over people remains to those who can sow the most fear. I sometimes get frowns thrown at me because I don’t read any newspapers and don’t know anything about politics…So now you know why. I believe the media plays a big part in the spreading of ‘evil’ and indoctrinate the people.

Evil does not come from above nor below us. You don’t get punished in life by a higher law. We do it to ourselves or the other does it to you. We’re sensitive to negativity and are very critical toward ourselves.  We’re taught from an early age to measure ourselves to others. We’re being told how we should look, what we should eat and I can go on…I can make a list of expectations of how we should serve or function in society. People who go their own way are misunderstood and become an outcast.

You can make choices as a human being without getting the desired result. We can learn through experience how we don’t want it to be. Unfortunately we can also have traumatic experiences. But remember, we also have the gift besides all the shit we’ll come across we are not doomed to maintain this our whole life. We are capable of change and go through life in a state of strength and power. What I’m trying to say is: Nothing is done to us, we’re the once who keep on running the same circle.

Do you believe in evil or that bad things are done to you ? Then you’ll be right because on a subconscious level you will always look for a negative confirmation. But if you expect there’s only ‘good’ you will discover that everything has a positive and loving intention to help you grow as a human being and empower your awareness…

The 'Now' expiriment

Mr. Tolle wrote a book about it and I still haven’t read it. “The Power of Now”.

That gives me the privilege to write my own thoughts and theories about this theme.

So if there are similarities with mr. Tolle we probably agree on the subject.

Just live in the ‘now’ is easier said than done. Ask a random person on the street who claims to live in the ‘now’ how he or she does that and you’ll probably get a vague answer. Maybe also from me but hopefully vague enough to think about it anyway. So the obvious question:

What exactly is living in the ‘now’ ?

In short I would say: Don’t occupy yourself with tomorrow and don’t carry your past into the present. But it isn't as simple as it sounds. Because today our mind is thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow today will be yesterday…Haha As long as I understand it myself. I have discovered within myself there’s always an aspect that occupies itself with the future and that aspect can get really frustrated by not being able and not knowing what the future has in store. Also when it cannot calculate or influence the near future. This is an extra handicap for people who always have a hard time making decisions especially when the source is a certain emotion. And with the mind set on tomorrow (or a little further in the future) can be killing but apparently we are in need of it psychologically. Probably for reassurance. We are capable of writing scenarios based on agenda’s but on an emotional level ?

It appears to be a combination of keeping control and fear of the unknown. And especially about not accepting that you just can’t or don’t know. Did you ever ended a relationship ? Or a marriage ? Suddenly lose your job ? The cause of it is easy to tell (I assume). But what about the consequences ? How about tomorrow, the next day after that or next week ? Without a doubt there are workshops or educations about this matter but I will try to save you some money. Simply challenging you to an experiment. And in all honesty : Without guaranties.

Try for at least a week or if it goes well two to NOT occupy yourself with tomorrow or any other days that are in the near future. If there’s a thought about the future: recognize it and then put it away. Curious if you carry any prohibitive convictions with you ? Write them all down. Because they all come from the same place anyway (=mind) and mean nothing if you consider letting go of thoughts about your future.

Many of the thinks you create in your mind is born from an emotional condition and in my vision basically an illusion. You just don’t know ! The acceptance of the illusion and the not knowing will create a lot of free space on your internal hard disk. There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about your future as long as you know it’s a fantasy….

A question I do have is: What if you want to live in the ‘now’, what shall we do with the past ? Future decisions are mainly based on past events. Would we then also need to block the past from my experiment ? Or just the associations with the past that might block the future ?  Will this be an issue if you don’t occupy yourself with tomorrow ? I’m very curious about that one…  

Struggle to survive ?

Is a struggle slowing us down, or is its intention to make us students of life ?

People often blame the past or people in our surroundings for the stagnation in the present. Even letting it flow into our figments of tomorrow. Some playing the role of a victim while

others choose to stick their head in the sand and pray for a miracle. In both cases they’re

doing nothing but staying in captivity. Not realizing that if they don’t paddle they won’t reach the shore and stay lost at sea. Being aware of a struggle is great but as long as they’re being passive the struggle will not go magically go away. Not even with a rocket launcher.

In my opinion we should try to understand why we’re holding ourselves back from moving forward. Truly analyze where the beginning lies, what motivation lies underneath it. But mostly what to do about it to lift the veil and influence the outcome in the near future. Nothing will happen  for the people who complain while their ass is glued to their chair. The world doesn’t come to them they should get up and start to walk. Unless they can find peace to  sentence themselves for life. Due to stubbornness or do I dare call it laziness ? I just worry because the world is bitter, battered and bruised enough. The focus is already too much on egotistic tendencies. A lot of people convinced they have to fight the battles themselves while the brilliance lie in asking for help. A big part of this worlds’ population like to help other people in many ways and feel good about it. But how come many of us don’t ask for it when needed ?

Since many people are too proud to ask lets always try to offer them the help. Nine out of ten times it’s appreciated. Because eventually they’ll need a listening ear even if it means nodding your head up and down and just showing some understanding and empathy. I found that it’s a true luxury to involve a friend where you feel at ease and takes you seriously.

The mind can drive you crazy and a friend can help you sort it out or offer a different perspective to continue their journey…