Love is never Ugly

I often hear people make depressing remarks about love. That if you want it to work you've got to work hard,sweat ,bleed and suffer a little. 

In my opinion people are mixing up love with expectations and thoughts that come from the ego and not the heart thus love. A lot of them refer to the first year (or two) with the most happy, funniest and greatest moment of the relationship.  Now that is the moment before the ego and mind sets in...Only if you allow it to be there.  The 'I would do anything for you' changes to 'Do it yourself'. I'm not a Saint I've been there.

So where, how and why does the tide turn ? Does it have to do with colliding motivations to be in a relationship ? Different ideas of how it should be ? Or is the other a reflection of who you are and you don't like what you see ? I'm not counting out the possibility you can discover it's simply not a match between two souls and it's the mind that tries to make it work. I have to disappoint you. I don't have a golden formula that will work for everyone. I can only share from my own experience and share the lesson I have learned and taken from a previous relationship.

I took a lot of time looking back at a 10+ year relationship. And one of my conclusions is that there were three basic things missing to make it last:

- Matching souls (Mismatching souls= opposites and mismatches in characteristics would be a clear sign)

- A deflected idea of how a relationship should be

- No insight of the 'needs' and 'wants' of the partner (don't think you know or assume you know)

Even though all 3 were missing we still managed to get by. But mostly because there was a huge sense of loyalty from my side. And many attempts to make it work and believing things could change for the better. But the more I've tried the more I've lost myself. I was adapting my being and said 'yes' and 'amen' to a lot of things while actually not agreeing or even taking the blame to maintain the peace at times I wasn't the guilty one. I felt I was doing all the work. If I would have been aware of the 3 basic things to a lasting relationship I would've broken up a few years earlier. Because I think I've also mixed up love with loyalty. But in all honesty...Braking up that relationship was one of the best things I could have done. But don't get me wrong, I'll never think of that time as wasted time. I really got to know myself through the other person and got my 'needs' and 'wants' clear.

So if you're in a relationship and you're doubtful about it consider the 3 basic rules for a lasting relationship.But keep in mind that it's my conclusion, not a guaranty !

I've once written a short poem that kind of says it all:

Love is never ugly

Some say love means working hard

Wounding the soul, leaving a scar

Shedding blood, sweat and tears

And that’s the only way to get far

I say:

Love is the highest of all forms

Always enlightening, gentle and kind

When it turns out not to be the case…

You love from melancholy or the mind