I often hear
people make depressing remarks about love. That if you want it to work you've got
to work hard,sweat ,bleed and suffer a little.
In my opinion people are mixing up love with
expectations and thoughts that come from the ego and not the heart thus love. A
lot of them refer to the first year (or two) with the most happy, funniest and
greatest moment of the relationship. Now that is the moment before the
ego and mind sets in...Only if you allow it to be there. The 'I would do
anything for you' changes to 'Do it yourself'. I'm not a Saint I've been there.
So where, how and why does the tide turn ? Does it
have to do with colliding motivations to be in a relationship ? Different ideas
of how it should be ? Or is the other a reflection of who you are and you don't
like what you see ? I'm not counting out the possibility you can discover it's
simply not a match between two souls and it's the mind that tries to make it
work. I have to disappoint you. I don't have a golden formula that will work
for everyone. I can only share from my own experience and share the lesson I
have learned and taken from a previous relationship.
I took a lot of time looking back at a 10+ year
relationship. And one of my conclusions is that there were three basic things
missing to make it last:
- Matching souls (Mismatching souls= opposites and
mismatches in characteristics would be a clear sign)
- A deflected idea of how a relationship should be
- No insight of the 'needs' and 'wants' of the
partner (don't think you know or assume you know)
Even though all 3 were missing we still managed to
get by. But mostly because there was a huge sense of loyalty from my side. And
many attempts to make it work and believing things could change for the better.
But the more I've tried the more I've lost myself. I was adapting my being and
said 'yes' and 'amen' to a lot of things while actually not agreeing or even
taking the blame to maintain the peace at times I wasn't the guilty one. I felt
I was doing all the work. If I would have been aware of the 3 basic things to a
lasting relationship I would've broken up a few years earlier. Because I think
I've also mixed up love with loyalty. But in all honesty...Braking up that
relationship was one of the best things I could have done. But don't get me
wrong, I'll never think of that time as wasted time. I really got to know
myself through the other person and got my 'needs' and 'wants' clear.
So if you're in a relationship and you're doubtful about it consider the 3 basic rules for a lasting relationship.But keep in mind that
it's my conclusion, not a guaranty !
I've once written a short poem that kind of says it
all:
Love is never ugly
Some say love
means working hard
Wounding the
soul, leaving a scar
Shedding
blood, sweat and tears
And that’s the
only way to get far
I say:
Love is the
highest of all forms
Always enlightening,
gentle and kind
When it turns
out not to be the case…
You love from melancholy
or the mind
