The person in the mirror

“Mirror,mirror on the wall…Who is the fairest of them all  ?“

If the stephmother had more confirmation in her childhood, she wouldn’t need to ask this question… Who do you see when you look in the mirror ? Any idea why you see yourself in a different way than other people do ?

Looks are easy to judge. Simply because there are enough people to compare yourself to or be compared with. Ain’t it out in the world than there’s enough attention for looks and beauty on TV. We’re sort or less raised in how we should look or appear. Straight white teeth, wrinkle free and slim is the way because being fat is ugly and a danger to your health. I have nothing against a healthy lifestyle but I think it’s too bad it seems to be only about looks and not the total package… You know, inner beauty included.

How we feel and think about ourselves is mostly decided by confirmation in a positive way or by rejection of other people (partners, parents, friends, strangers etcetera). I believe the power of confirmation is highly underestimated. People in general have a tendency to that one negative comment than the other positive ones. Positive confirmation means more confidence and negative confirmation means a low self-esteem and challenges people to prove the opposite or accepting you have to do with less, right ? What it comes down to is that most people will let other people decide how to feel about themselves. Not only will it influence our self-esteem but by learning to compare yourself we also learn to judge. How would the world look like if we create our own self-image ?

I don’t have the most beautiful set of teeth, my hair is too thick and dry and I can’t even grow a beard at age 34. Ow, I don’t have a beer belly but I can’t say I have a six-pack either. I think I have to depend on my charisma because if I would be dead sexy I would have more women chasing after me…How did I get this picture about myself ? To who do I measure myself ? May I assume everybody has these kind of things on their list about themselves ? Do you automatically polish your inner beauty more if you don’t have the looks shown by the media ? Because I do dare to say and state with conviction that I’m a beautiful person who has worked hard to become and stay beautiful from within. I believe we would only need one confirmation in life and base our whole self-esteem and confidence on:

“There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect the way you are and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise !”

Self reflection is a valuable tool. Let me offer an advise… Write down everything you’re not satisfied with about yourself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ! Excuse me for the capslock. But if you want to change things or certain aspects within your life it won’t happen by itself. And doing nothing is also ok, but then you need to truly accept who you are…I’m well aware that’s easier said than done. As long as you walk your own path where you decide what’s good for you. Every negative about yourself is due to opinions from others. I think that if you would value yourself more your self-image will be more positive and outer beauty will be more based on charisma. And personally I think that’s worth more looking at and admiring than what the beauty fashion magazines, ads or any other form of media wants us to believe in and compare ourselves with…

The Secret

Believe it or not, I’ve finally seen ‘The Secret’ after almost six years after its release. After years of resistance (even though I’m spiritual minded I found the concept and theory too good to be true) I took my girlfriends (Maria) advise to see the movie and give it a chance.

There was also an other motivation to see it: desperation. I have been unemployed for over 5 months now and had been ‘ordering’ a new job for that whole period but it just didn’t get delivered. Not knowing that by just saying something out loud has less to no effect. The situation was becoming so bad that I was really worried if there would be money for food the following months. Believe me, I’ve cried and begged on my knees to see the lesson needing to be learned from this situation. Fear had taken over. I used to blog regularly (at least once a week,back then in Dutch) but I couldn’t write for days in the state I was in. But now I cannot deny that seeing ‘the Secret’ gave me a new perspective on ‘faith’ and believe. Besides this I started thinking what is really important to me in this life. The only answer I could think of is giving and receiving love.

Due to the financial circumstances I’ve also started thinking if there was anything I could do to generate money. Meaning a review of my material possession (and that ain’t much) and what luxury I could live without. I looked at my 46” TV, my Blu-ray cinema set and the TV furniture and thought: “ I’m gonna miss you, but you’ll have to go”. Also put up two other pieces of furniture. As long as I can remember I’ve bought these electronic gadgets as a comfort purchase. It silenced the hunger so it gave me a good feeling to have something new. But calling those things mine was an illusion. Nothing of those purchases were ever mine (if you know what I mean). But if you state to yourself that you’re prepared to do anything than putting these items up for sale was a big step for me. Selling this stuff meant 3 months of food on the table thus some financial breathing space. I’ll come back to this later in this blog…

For the people who has seen the movie know it comes down to the ‘law of attraction’ and transmitting thoughts to the universe. Whatever you think you will attract. Keep in mind this means both positive and negative. I used to laugh when a good friend told me how she simply orders things from the universe. I always smiled and knotted my head and thought: ”Yeah,right”. But little things from life experiences supported the theory behind ‘The Secret’. I have to admit I’m in debt and by thinking A) I’ll never come out of it and B) I can still manage to get by…I’ve maintained the situation. By thinking this I’ve created a negative pattern in my mind so kept on manifesting the thing I didn’t want to manifest. Another example. One time Maria visited me in NL (she lives in Denmark). I live (legally, a special project) in an office building meaning once in a while there’s an inspection to check everything is in order and taken care of in the building. Before Maria arrived I had the of not wanting them to have the inspection in that time…And guess what happened: they came by on the very first day Maria was here. My lesson from the movie is that these kind of (negative) thoughts will manifest and can keep certain patterns alive.

A positive example to me based on the theory is meeting Maria. My wish was to meet a partner where the relationship would be based on: connection, equality, good communication, spirituality and humor…I feel blessed, it’s all there !

For me it was reason enough to give the law of attraction a chance. I’ve sold the stuff I’ve put up for sale. And have set my mind to moving to Denmark and live with my girl and her kids. I have had some other unexpected money coming my way in the last period and I really feel the universe is helping me out in more than one way.

Every day I express my thankfulness and make clear to the universe (God, Allah, Buddha or whatever name(s) it has for you) what it is I want formulated in positive words and intentions. I think it’s kind of equal to praying. I’ve probably haven’t told anything new to the people who has seen the movie. But maybe it inspires you to watch it again. To the people who hasn’t seen the movie: give it a chance, who knows what it will or can do for you…

   

  

Love is never Ugly

I often hear people make depressing remarks about love. That if you want it to work you've got to work hard,sweat ,bleed and suffer a little. 

In my opinion people are mixing up love with expectations and thoughts that come from the ego and not the heart thus love. A lot of them refer to the first year (or two) with the most happy, funniest and greatest moment of the relationship.  Now that is the moment before the ego and mind sets in...Only if you allow it to be there.  The 'I would do anything for you' changes to 'Do it yourself'. I'm not a Saint I've been there.

So where, how and why does the tide turn ? Does it have to do with colliding motivations to be in a relationship ? Different ideas of how it should be ? Or is the other a reflection of who you are and you don't like what you see ? I'm not counting out the possibility you can discover it's simply not a match between two souls and it's the mind that tries to make it work. I have to disappoint you. I don't have a golden formula that will work for everyone. I can only share from my own experience and share the lesson I have learned and taken from a previous relationship.

I took a lot of time looking back at a 10+ year relationship. And one of my conclusions is that there were three basic things missing to make it last:

- Matching souls (Mismatching souls= opposites and mismatches in characteristics would be a clear sign)

- A deflected idea of how a relationship should be

- No insight of the 'needs' and 'wants' of the partner (don't think you know or assume you know)

Even though all 3 were missing we still managed to get by. But mostly because there was a huge sense of loyalty from my side. And many attempts to make it work and believing things could change for the better. But the more I've tried the more I've lost myself. I was adapting my being and said 'yes' and 'amen' to a lot of things while actually not agreeing or even taking the blame to maintain the peace at times I wasn't the guilty one. I felt I was doing all the work. If I would have been aware of the 3 basic things to a lasting relationship I would've broken up a few years earlier. Because I think I've also mixed up love with loyalty. But in all honesty...Braking up that relationship was one of the best things I could have done. But don't get me wrong, I'll never think of that time as wasted time. I really got to know myself through the other person and got my 'needs' and 'wants' clear.

So if you're in a relationship and you're doubtful about it consider the 3 basic rules for a lasting relationship.But keep in mind that it's my conclusion, not a guaranty !

I've once written a short poem that kind of says it all:

Love is never ugly

Some say love means working hard

Wounding the soul, leaving a scar

Shedding blood, sweat and tears

And that’s the only way to get far

I say:

Love is the highest of all forms

Always enlightening, gentle and kind

When it turns out not to be the case…

You love from melancholy or the mind

Good vs Evil

“Evil exists because people believe in it”

-Stevie Hogendoorn-

Good and evil. Often a theme within religious and spiritual movements.

Evil is often compared with: Darkness, demons and the Devil. Natural disasters and wars are also frequently linked to evil. But is blaming evil not just a way to make the unthinkable acceptable to our rational thinking ?

In most religious forms it’s simple: All good comes from God and all evil from Satan. First of all that’s hard to swallow for me because I don’t believe in the Devil. I’ll admit. As a child and even when hitting puberty I used to ask myself: If there is a God why doesn’t he take action in wars and create peace. I think we’re actually forced to think in good and evil. Think about it. Look back at your life. How often didn’t you think that something has been done to

(of course unjustified) you at the points in life where things didn’t work out as well as you planned it ? At that point you’ve manifested evil and truly believe something has been done to you. I’ve been on that road. But what I’ve noticed is that if you believe in evil it will keep on manifesting.

But what if you would take responsibility in life ? And look at ‘evil’ as a lesson to help you in your personal progress. Wouldn’t that contribute in self love and love for the other ? As long as there is a collective consciousness in which the largest part of the world keeps on feeding the black wolf, the things we call evil remains a true belief. Believing in evil is something our big leaders would prefer. The more afraid you are the more you live in fear so power over people remains to those who can sow the most fear. I sometimes get frowns thrown at me because I don’t read any newspapers and don’t know anything about politics…So now you know why. I believe the media plays a big part in the spreading of ‘evil’ and indoctrinate the people.

Evil does not come from above nor below us. You don’t get punished in life by a higher law. We do it to ourselves or the other does it to you. We’re sensitive to negativity and are very critical toward ourselves.  We’re taught from an early age to measure ourselves to others. We’re being told how we should look, what we should eat and I can go on…I can make a list of expectations of how we should serve or function in society. People who go their own way are misunderstood and become an outcast.

You can make choices as a human being without getting the desired result. We can learn through experience how we don’t want it to be. Unfortunately we can also have traumatic experiences. But remember, we also have the gift besides all the shit we’ll come across we are not doomed to maintain this our whole life. We are capable of change and go through life in a state of strength and power. What I’m trying to say is: Nothing is done to us, we’re the once who keep on running the same circle.

Do you believe in evil or that bad things are done to you ? Then you’ll be right because on a subconscious level you will always look for a negative confirmation. But if you expect there’s only ‘good’ you will discover that everything has a positive and loving intention to help you grow as a human being and empower your awareness…

The 'Now' expiriment

Mr. Tolle wrote a book about it and I still haven’t read it. “The Power of Now”.

That gives me the privilege to write my own thoughts and theories about this theme.

So if there are similarities with mr. Tolle we probably agree on the subject.

Just live in the ‘now’ is easier said than done. Ask a random person on the street who claims to live in the ‘now’ how he or she does that and you’ll probably get a vague answer. Maybe also from me but hopefully vague enough to think about it anyway. So the obvious question:

What exactly is living in the ‘now’ ?

In short I would say: Don’t occupy yourself with tomorrow and don’t carry your past into the present. But it isn't as simple as it sounds. Because today our mind is thinking about tomorrow and tomorrow today will be yesterday…Haha As long as I understand it myself. I have discovered within myself there’s always an aspect that occupies itself with the future and that aspect can get really frustrated by not being able and not knowing what the future has in store. Also when it cannot calculate or influence the near future. This is an extra handicap for people who always have a hard time making decisions especially when the source is a certain emotion. And with the mind set on tomorrow (or a little further in the future) can be killing but apparently we are in need of it psychologically. Probably for reassurance. We are capable of writing scenarios based on agenda’s but on an emotional level ?

It appears to be a combination of keeping control and fear of the unknown. And especially about not accepting that you just can’t or don’t know. Did you ever ended a relationship ? Or a marriage ? Suddenly lose your job ? The cause of it is easy to tell (I assume). But what about the consequences ? How about tomorrow, the next day after that or next week ? Without a doubt there are workshops or educations about this matter but I will try to save you some money. Simply challenging you to an experiment. And in all honesty : Without guaranties.

Try for at least a week or if it goes well two to NOT occupy yourself with tomorrow or any other days that are in the near future. If there’s a thought about the future: recognize it and then put it away. Curious if you carry any prohibitive convictions with you ? Write them all down. Because they all come from the same place anyway (=mind) and mean nothing if you consider letting go of thoughts about your future.

Many of the thinks you create in your mind is born from an emotional condition and in my vision basically an illusion. You just don’t know ! The acceptance of the illusion and the not knowing will create a lot of free space on your internal hard disk. There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about your future as long as you know it’s a fantasy….

A question I do have is: What if you want to live in the ‘now’, what shall we do with the past ? Future decisions are mainly based on past events. Would we then also need to block the past from my experiment ? Or just the associations with the past that might block the future ?  Will this be an issue if you don’t occupy yourself with tomorrow ? I’m very curious about that one…  

Struggle to survive ?

Is a struggle slowing us down, or is its intention to make us students of life ?

People often blame the past or people in our surroundings for the stagnation in the present. Even letting it flow into our figments of tomorrow. Some playing the role of a victim while

others choose to stick their head in the sand and pray for a miracle. In both cases they’re

doing nothing but staying in captivity. Not realizing that if they don’t paddle they won’t reach the shore and stay lost at sea. Being aware of a struggle is great but as long as they’re being passive the struggle will not go magically go away. Not even with a rocket launcher.

In my opinion we should try to understand why we’re holding ourselves back from moving forward. Truly analyze where the beginning lies, what motivation lies underneath it. But mostly what to do about it to lift the veil and influence the outcome in the near future. Nothing will happen  for the people who complain while their ass is glued to their chair. The world doesn’t come to them they should get up and start to walk. Unless they can find peace to  sentence themselves for life. Due to stubbornness or do I dare call it laziness ? I just worry because the world is bitter, battered and bruised enough. The focus is already too much on egotistic tendencies. A lot of people convinced they have to fight the battles themselves while the brilliance lie in asking for help. A big part of this worlds’ population like to help other people in many ways and feel good about it. But how come many of us don’t ask for it when needed ?

Since many people are too proud to ask lets always try to offer them the help. Nine out of ten times it’s appreciated. Because eventually they’ll need a listening ear even if it means nodding your head up and down and just showing some understanding and empathy. I found that it’s a true luxury to involve a friend where you feel at ease and takes you seriously.

The mind can drive you crazy and a friend can help you sort it out or offer a different perspective to continue their journey…